''The outward strangeness of things in Japan produces a queer thrill impossible to describe - a feeling of weirdness which comes to us only with the perception of the totally unfamiliar.''
Lafcadio Hearn
Having lived in Japan for almost five weeks, I have noticed that the concept of friendship in Japan is ambiguous. It is as if it doesn’t exist in Japanese society. It seems that it is known and used only because it is an often encountered Western word. In Western concept of friendship you can make friends and lose friends. In the Japanese outer circle, you have no friends.
Japanese people are very kind, friendly and helpful, but at the same time I don’t feel closeness or warmth from them. I never know what they are thinking, what is behind their face… They don’t talk about themselves, their families. It seems that they are too shy and too polite to be your friend.
The first Japanese person I ever met was a girl named Ayaka. She came to Ireland as an exchange student and I was her speaking partner. We quickly became very good friends. VERY close friends. She came to my University with the bunch of other Japanese people. When I first met her I realised how different from other Japanese students she was. She had a different mentality, which appealed very much to me.
My roommate in Japan is also Japanese (Yui). She is a typical Japanese girl; friendly, nice and helpful, but distant. We are sharing the same room, but it seems that we are living in two different worlds. I know her from the outside, but not the inside. She gives very brief answers about herself, her family, and her friends. It is very hard to get through the boundaries that are created by the society and culture.
Above are the two photos of Yui. I also uploaded a photo of a guy sleeping on the floor at the train station:). Public sleeping is a very common thing to see in Japan.
The collage photo was taken from: http://phillips.blogs.com/photos/uncategorized/1111manypeople.jpg
It shows some of the Japanese fashion and crazy hair styles.
Lafcadio Hearn
Having lived in Japan for almost five weeks, I have noticed that the concept of friendship in Japan is ambiguous. It is as if it doesn’t exist in Japanese society. It seems that it is known and used only because it is an often encountered Western word. In Western concept of friendship you can make friends and lose friends. In the Japanese outer circle, you have no friends.
Japanese people are very kind, friendly and helpful, but at the same time I don’t feel closeness or warmth from them. I never know what they are thinking, what is behind their face… They don’t talk about themselves, their families. It seems that they are too shy and too polite to be your friend.
The first Japanese person I ever met was a girl named Ayaka. She came to Ireland as an exchange student and I was her speaking partner. We quickly became very good friends. VERY close friends. She came to my University with the bunch of other Japanese people. When I first met her I realised how different from other Japanese students she was. She had a different mentality, which appealed very much to me.
My roommate in Japan is also Japanese (Yui). She is a typical Japanese girl; friendly, nice and helpful, but distant. We are sharing the same room, but it seems that we are living in two different worlds. I know her from the outside, but not the inside. She gives very brief answers about herself, her family, and her friends. It is very hard to get through the boundaries that are created by the society and culture.
Above are the two photos of Yui. I also uploaded a photo of a guy sleeping on the floor at the train station:). Public sleeping is a very common thing to see in Japan.
The collage photo was taken from: http://phillips.blogs.com/photos/uncategorized/1111manypeople.jpg
It shows some of the Japanese fashion and crazy hair styles.
3 comments:
hey, I just arrived back from a 3 week trip to Japan. I agree, i don't think i've met nicer people.
I spoke to lots of people along the way frustrated about wanting to develop close friendships with Japanese people or be accepted by the society. It seems there will always be a divide.
I actually read that many Japanese people's close circle of friends are from childhood..school..college, so trying to enter that circle takes time and trust.
a good read is http://www.willferyguson.ca/reviews/review_hokkaido.html - one guys journey to figure out the mystery that is Japan.
Anyway have a great time in Japan, i'm well Jealous!
I have a few Asian friends, a few are Japanese, a couple are Chinese/Vietnamese, and a few are Filipino.
It takes a great deal of time to actually become a close friend within a Japanese person's circle of friends and often it requires an understanding of their culture, not pushing your way into that circle, & learning to respect their culture.
One of my Japanese friends and I became much closer & ultimately great friends after we went to her parents' house for a meal. I was raised a lot like many Japanese children. I took my shoes off before stepping into their home, greeted the parents in their own language & making the appropriate respectful bow, taking food only when offered & only in small amounts then waiting until EVERYONE began to eat before I ate, gave much praise to the mother for her culinary skills despite the fact I could not speak Japanese beyond the simple greetings & ordering meals at Japanese-speaking restaurants so other conversation had to be translated tho' when the mother blushed & bowed her head from the plentiful compliments on her wonderful meal I knew I was accepted. It was actually seen as an honor - so I learned later after we left her parents' home that I could eat with chopsticks & do so without any difficulty considering I have been able to eat with chopsticks since I was a year or so old, just as I taught my 2 children when they were learning to use forks & spoons - they also mastered using chopsticks even at the dismay of their European descended father (I am Native American Indian, btw though my mother always appreciated & respected the Japanese & Asian culture particularly and respectfully...
Don't push your way into a friendship with Japanese people It makes them generally question your motives. Be kind, friendly, helpful even & show them respect, privacy, & an interest in their culture but always in a respectful & truthful manner. They can spot a BS job attempt a mile away so make certain your desire to learn more about their culture is a genuine one.
My Asian friends & I have known each other for more than 20-30 years so we are all intertwined into each others' lives. I can relate to the constant arguments of their parents wanting them to marry within their ethnic group just as my family's elders expected me to marry a "nice Native American young man" but were upset, with exception of one of my aunts - the oldest of the family who never liked anyone of the husband's any of her daughters or granddaughters, or nieces married... yet she immediately loved my husband despite his high white color & lack of Native American knowledge, understanding, etc... We have had many arguments over the last 20+ yrs w/ regards to my teaching our girls my family's culture and the Asian culture as well respecting other cultures and beliefs. He wanted them to follow the normal Anglo-Christian beliefs but instead, our oldest follows my heritage & her's too as well as our youngest being on the same path... He will get over it in time but it could take a decade before he accepts it but ultimately, he will cave in. He did with me and he's more accepting of our oldest daughter's choices. In time he will accept it completely even if he doesn't like it. I keep reminding him that he didn't marry a European-descended woman. He married me, one who comes from a long line of proud Native American ancestry & one that prides itself in teaching future generations so our history is never lost to future generations esp considering how much is already lost to us.
tht japenes girl should be on ourworld ( a virtial site)
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